Criticism can make us defensive, upset, and angry. Yet, being able to understand and absorb what we hear enables us to have better relationships, do better at work and develop a more harmonious existence. This book is a practical guide that helps by covering a daunting array of scenarios, relationships and circumstances.
Within a single conversation exists an amalgamation of the relationship between two people, their background, their view of themselves and view of the other, their perspective of the scenario itself and more. The authors delves into each of these elements. One key aspect is that feedback can broken into three main categories – appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. When these lines get crossed, people feel like they’re not getting what they need. For example, if you’re looking for appreciation but all you’re getting is evaluation, you may not be in the right mindset to absorb any of it and the person evaluating may feel like they’re not being heard.
The chapters cover perspective shifts, triggers, our self-identity and more. It may be more difficult to hear something from a partner than a friend or vice versa. There can be a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us; for example, shy versus aloof. Our emotional wiring influences our sensitivity, our reactions to short term pain, etc; all of which shape how we take criticism. This book has techniques to tackle these aspects and issues, even when they run deep. It caters to anyone – leaders, team members, partners, friends, etc.
It offers up the 50-40-10 formula – 50% of our happiness is wired in, 40% is how we handle and respond to life and 10% is attributed to our circumstances – our job, our health, etc. That leaves a large chunk that we are in control of and can shape towards a happier disposition. Clarity in understanding yourself and being an active listener is the first step.